Amicus lector
Are South Dakotans bad in bed? Not exactly

We’re going to take a slight diversion from crime today and talk about technology and sex.

By way of explanation, let’s start here: In the twitter age, mapping things state-by-state is an incredibly valuable media tool. Coloring states with data on everything from income inequality or crime rates to highest-paid public official makes for irresistible click bait.

On more than one occasion, I’ve covered a crime story sparked by a map like this one, which says we rank last in protections for victims of sex trafficking.

Earlier today, I noticed a map from Jezebel with the same word in the title and nowhere near the same importance.

The map ranks states based on the average amount of time it takes couples to complete the act of intercourse – foreplay excluded.

The good people at Jezebel took data from 10,000 users of an iPhone and Android app called “Spreadsheets,” generously supplied by the developer, to rank each state.

Sex, a snazzy map and data: A click bait trifecta.

I noticed another familiar map feature right away: South Dakota was near the bottom. Second to last, in fact, with an average of one minute, thirty seconds per session.Only Alaskans fared worse (if we’re using the longer = better standard). The winning state was New Mexico, with an average of seven minutes, one second.

So here was my first thought: How many of the 10,000 app users, whose experiences are responsible for our awful ranking, are South Dakotans?

So I asked Danny Wax, the app designer who spoke with Jezebel.

Here’s his response:

“Our analytics show five logged sessions. Could be same couple … Or five couples logging one each. We have to get a larger presence in SD!!”

So there you have it. Five sessions. No telling what our stats would be if the prairie had as many sex-time trackers as pedometer users.

I suppose one could speculate that South Dakotans are a more private lot than most, that we don’t want or need to log our sexual endurance with a semi-social phone app.

But that wouldn’t explain why Nebraskans are so far ahead of us: They’re at number 9.

Minnesotans aren’t known as outlandish over-sharing types, but they’ve got 49 seconds on us.

And West Virginia at number 2? Seriously? 

The idea is that you use the app with your partner, playfully, as the program lets users log achievements. Wax also told Jezebel the app could be a conversation starter in the post-coital moments.

Which I guess would mean a conversation where both parties are looking at their phones and not each other. I’m pretty sure that’s a thing that happens anyway.

  1. jhult posted this
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